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                                                       Famous Quips

         Ok, I admit it, this particular laugh is nothing more than a garbage can of the bits and pieces of stuff that aren't long enough to stand on their own. You feel better now that you've gotten a confession? Hey they're still very funny! See for yourself.

         Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets
    mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his
    head out the window!
    --Steve Bluestone

         Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is
    an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
    --George Carlin

         I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for
    marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
    --Rita Rudner

         I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I
    grew hair under my arms instead.
    --Sue Kolinsky

         I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
    --Carol Leifer

         The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By
    the second day you're off it.
    --Jackie Gleason

         I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some
    fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some
    fries with that?"
    --Jay Leno

         I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I
    wanna know your name..."
    --Mike Binder

         Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence
    long enough to get money from it.
    --Stephen Leacock

         The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they
    would not be caught dead in otherwise.
    --Roger Simon

         You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of
    Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
    --Pearl Williams

         I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
    --Dave Edison

         If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
    --George Gobel

         on't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the
    Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a
    hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
    --Billiam Coronel
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