Famous Quips
Ok, I admit it, this particular laugh is nothing more than a garbage can of the bits and pieces of stuff that aren't long enough to stand on their own. You feel better now that you've gotten a confession? Hey they're still very funny! See for yourself.
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets
mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his
head out the window!
--Steve Bluestone
Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is
an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
--George Carlin
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for
marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
--Rita Rudner
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I
grew hair under my arms instead.
--Sue Kolinsky
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
--Carol Leifer
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By
the second day you're off it.
--Jackie Gleason
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some
fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some
fries with that?"
--Jay Leno
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I
wanna know your name..."
--Mike Binder
Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence
long enough to get money from it.
--Stephen Leacock
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they
would not be caught dead in otherwise.
--Roger Simon
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of
Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
--Pearl Williams
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
--Dave Edison
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
--George Gobel
on't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the
Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a
hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
--Billiam Coronel
Ok, I admit it, this particular laugh is nothing more than a garbage can of the bits and pieces of stuff that aren't long enough to stand on their own. You feel better now that you've gotten a confession? Hey they're still very funny! See for yourself.
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets
mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his
head out the window!
--Steve Bluestone
Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is
an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
--George Carlin
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for
marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
--Rita Rudner
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I
grew hair under my arms instead.
--Sue Kolinsky
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
--Carol Leifer
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By
the second day you're off it.
--Jackie Gleason
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some
fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some
fries with that?"
--Jay Leno
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I
wanna know your name..."
--Mike Binder
Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence
long enough to get money from it.
--Stephen Leacock
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they
would not be caught dead in otherwise.
--Roger Simon
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of
Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
--Pearl Williams
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
--Dave Edison
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
--George Gobel
on't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the
Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a
hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
--Billiam Coronel
